The feeling of anxiety which seemed to perish revisits like a detective going back over
evidence, who he thought wasn't connected to a case. I hear voices as clear as bell, feeling like I'm always apologising for feeling. Like I'm out of my mind, when I'm just doing fine. I got all these thoughts, running through my mind and I can't seem to shut them off. I'm tired of pretending to look fine. Trying hard to demystify my existence and break the conditioning I'm choked with. The grass always looks greener on the other side, but in the wise words of Big Sean, 'It's greener where you water it.' I chose to water my insecurities, apprehensions and failed to focus on the brighter side of life. Getting the fact straight in my head that “It's okay to not feel okay.” But it's not okay to keep your emotions bottled up and not open up. Keeping things within- Ah! that eats you up on the inside. A recent trigger I experienced turned into a psychosomatic torment only because I failed to vent my emotions out. Bhavesh!
All you worry about is them judging you? That's you judging yourself and then seeing judges everywhere, I realized. Finally breaking after years of conditioning, I vented out my emotions and that made me feel alive again. I was finally able to free myself from the shackles of neutrality I'd been experiencing for years. My friend, all I have for you is- It's not that time heals everything, but acceptance surely does. Step into acceptance. Because my beloved friend, pain is inevitable but suffering isn't. The storm may never go away, but it will get easier to move through.
– Bhavesh Patel