How do you feel?
I can feel myself falling
Into the deep dark abyss
I look up
And see the grim smile
As the evil passes by
The winds are hauntingly cold
The voices scream in my ear
They laugh at me
As I cry in pain
Last night I slept. Hoping that when I would wake – it would all be gone- the pain, the numbness, the desolation and the emptiness.
But everything stayed - and was more powerful than ever
I woke up. I couldn’t feel anything. I was devoid of my soul. A strange vibe glided though me
It felt as if a thousand knives were pierced through my back. The last breath of air escaped through my soul.
The illusions danced around in euphoria,
They rejoiced over my state
I kept praying. I wished that a ray of hope would come, extend me it’s hand, and rescue me from this never ending realm of uncertainty and gloom. But no one came.
I experience breathlessness. I frantically run towards the window, and open it in search of some air, some hope, some faith to live on
I look outside –
The sky is a dark blue colour, with small strips of the yellow tints of the Sun
The wind is cold and chilly, almost as if adorns upon itself a crown of gloom
It seems as if it is narrating a dark tale- a tale of love and happiness, but ended in tragedy and death.
Death isn’t always in its symbolic way – sometimes the soul gives up – the will to move on, the carry forward, to live – it loses hope.
My mind traces back to where it all started,
The first moments, the memories, the smiles – everything was so happy
I felt that this illusion would last forever. That I had finally found my eternal space.
I held them so dear to my heart. Every memory was engraved with their names, every thought had their presence, every happy moment was imagined with them – and little did I know, soon every second would be sinned with their inhumane souls.
I can’t comprehend as to what had happened. My belief lay dead.
How slowly, how stealthily was it executed. As I lay lost in my own fantasy land, the demons were slowly creeping their way in – through the damp cracks of sensitivity and the broken pieces of vulnerability.
I laugh at my foolishness, at my naïve heart- who became elated at trivial prospects.
I ignored the voices of my conscience,
They used to scream
“Don’t get attached. Masks fall off, and their darker personality gives birth”
The voices used to encircle me at times. Shake me violently, only to make me realize the bitter truth- that was arriving soon, I couldn’t hear the bells of doom, I was trapped, in my happy irrational thoughts – for I had dedicated my self to something that never existed
They were right. For all my life, I had given my hearts to people, laid them in their arms – but they always broke it in the most brutal ways and threw it. Just like how a discarded toy is thrown, once its purpose has been achieved.
I was oblivious to the truth
I ignored it all for temporary elation.
The vision ends.
And I am transported back to my grim tale.
I fall on the floor. Aghast at how our lives can turn around completely, within a wink of the eye. Tears finally find their way, and trickle down with immense force, my heart bleeds and the soul wails in pain.
Yet what can I do? People tell me to forget and move on? Don’t think, don’t act, don’t speak. A plethora of restrictions have captured me. I lay a victim to these wrongdoings.
Like a fool in it’s bouts of insanity, I keep hoping for things to go back to how they used to be. I despise change. And when faced with the real side, I flip. The mind breaks and the heart goes dead.
As if, for the time being , the beating stops- it’s still, trying to absorb the betrayal.
Why me? What wrong did I do?
I believed good people exist. I thought everything is like a fairy tale, the good always conquers the evil. Defeats it.
No, that’s know reality works – it hits you hard, almost like how a storm takes away everything within milliseconds, people can render us dead too.
I get up. Determined to fight, to withstand this storm. I remind myself that I am not weak, and that hard times too shall pass.
The hurt will stay, no doubt- but time will bring in a new scenario.
“You are dark”, people say
I smirk back at them
As I silently say to myself
You haven’t met my soul yet
And as I walk into the oblivion
With vengeance in my blood
I hear the voices saying
“ Il faut se méfier! la tempête approche”
– Deepansha Chowdhary