Friend Zone

Satire Jul 13, 2021

I hope you’re done laughing at the title and the graphics till now, well most would until you’re some ‘Devdas’ or are as good looking as ‘Hrithik Roshan’. In that case, I apologize to you cause this article is just for us poor sinners. Let us dive into a series of self-exploration and realization now. I searched google for the definition of friendzone…ahh still not coming up I sometimes wonder how online lectures manage to drain my brain and data at the same time, anyways it searched, “A situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unreciprocated romantic or sexual interest in the other”. Well, looking at the definition I’m pretty sure that the person who wrote that was a Devdas nerd cause Seriously, How? How can someone figure what it is exactly? I’m having years of friendzone experience and I’m still working and updating the definition each year. I can never forget the countless nights and fingernails I had to sacrifice in the Zonefire to get some enlightenment but seriously nothing helped! Just nothing! I guess even the Gods and Demons are too scared of this word.
Well, now since you got some basic no-bullshit introduction, I guess I should keep my mike up and start with oUr dAmN sErIoUs aRtIcLe. Friendzone happens when a girl/boy puts you in the warzone, a place where you would indefinitely be in a war between your mind and heart. This place will bring your mind the joy of being close to your lover and the misery of being just a friend to your heart. You will constantly ask your heart to keep quiet and listen to your mind, you can see that Maggi, smell that Maggi but not eat that Maggi or keep that Maggi to yourself and just if you forget it definitely isn’t a two-minute deal well because everything is a lie. Also, who the hell manages to make Maggi in two minutes? Okay got a bit distracted getting back to the topic now. Yup Maggi sorry I mean friendzone. Let me explain the key components of friendzone now – Phase 1 is ‘friendship’ this phase happens when you both realize it is better to be bored together than alone basically when you believe that two people of opposite genders can be friends. You’ll have fun, memories and simple arguments but soon a demon would arrive into the play called feelings. He surely sounds too innocent but he is not, this brings us to our next phase. Phase 2 is nothing but amplifying of feelings, a little more and a little more till it becomes a mountain filled with lava oh I mean love. This phase will test you in all ways if you have some previous experience you might endure it for a long time else it will start eating you alive moving you to another phase. Phase 3 is where things start getting out of hand, here you will feel like ‘Thakur’ but more complicated. You do have your hands but still, you will feel it’s been cut off and as if your brain is getting fried into a pakora. Insomnia develops, your recommendations changes and movies changes etc. Your best friends and friends are suddenly disturbed at weird times and they bring a new word to your dictionary ‘Confession’. Phase 4 is Chakravyuh, you have entered it and now you do not know the way out because no one ever had. At this phase you start giving signs and are filled with confusion of is he/she ignoring my signs? or are they too dumb to understand it. Now you’re given the opportunity of living with a friendzone or you could also opt for a limited offer called Advanced friendzone. For those of you who are curious, advanced friendzone is the phase after you confess your love to someone in this case you are not directly rejected. They say very fine and beautiful words like – “You are very important to me”, “I cannot imagine you and me together I’m a mess you’re perfect”, “You are too good for me”, “You are too beautiful of a person you deserve better” and blah-blah-blah. After hearing this, you would feel like the luckiest person and you would feel like it was better that you confessed your love but believe me the real mastermind is that cutie playing with you. He/she has successfully defused the grenade without even making an effort, it is as if buttering the grenade to find the pin and asking it to put it back on it. Friendzone or Advanced Friendzone you are simply helpless, you’re simply a beggar trying to impress a princess and oh Disney please don’t bother me. Don’t feel sad or heartbroken though, there are millions probably billions of us in the friendzone. Most of us never make it out of it but look at the positive side probably we don’t need that girl/boy. Why are we giving all our effort into a girl or boy who has just never bothered to give us some recognition? There are so many literally so many beautiful boys and girls in our locality forget the world, try to impress someone else, try putting that effort into your personality or make a better career for yourself etc. I know it’s easy to say and you might be saying that my
heart pains like anything to even think of that. But believe me, you’ll seriously thank me once you start dating others, you would soon realize how wrong you were with that perspective and how friendzone is just another way of subtle rejecting people. So, let me end it with one last note cause your friend has to take care of word limit too.


“If you weren’t able to catch one bus, do you run behind it? No, you look for another one and catch it same goes for us, look for another one and you’ll find it :)”

Word War 1

This post was submitted as an entry for Word War I, a writing competition organised by DJ Lit! Follow us on Instagram to stay tuned for more such events : https://www.instagram.com/dj.litsoc/?hl=en

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