The Crater in Her Heart

A dark room. No doors. No windows. Crowded and empty at the same time. An expanse full of fears clustered, lurking at every corner waiting to ambush the little calm within and create a turmoil. A surging breeze of anxiety rolls across, the heat of anger and self hatred, the humidity caused by the moisture of tears and the air as numb as her heart, breathless and cold. The scariest thing she could find in the room was a mirror.
Everything she saw terrified her. Everytime she looked into it she saw horrifying things. Her blue eyes reminded her of the pain of the death of the loved ones. Her deep red lips made her look down to the cuts on her wrists. Her frizzed up hair reminded her of the mess that her life was. All she saw was flaws. All the world saw was perfection. No one knew about the internal battles. She forgot that beauty lied in the eyes of the beholder.
To fight and be at battle with your own mind every other minute of her existence was a struggle only she knew. How do you fight your enemy, when you are it? When your mind is a battle field trying to rationalize the stakes of keeping you alive against a haunting spirit who has conquered and tranquilised all of your emotions.
Like a ring master this darkness engulfed her, in a circus she called her body.  As hard as she tried to fight back, the demons tried to chain her down harder. She lost her sanity trying to take control of her own mind.
Every day was a new battle one of many to finally win the war. Someday, everyday there was a new war. You see depression is a shape shifter. Every time the cheeky devil strikes just when you get your hopes high when you finally think you’re going to be okay. The darkness creeped back in every time she saw a ray of light.
How do you fight your demons when it is all your weaknesses and you have no strengths?

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